I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
