chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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