Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
