You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
