You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
