well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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