Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
