I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
