Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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