You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
