burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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