Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Randomize
