alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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