3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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