i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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