were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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