you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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