I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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