Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
