i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
