Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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