You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
