the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize