i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
