Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
