Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
