his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
