So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
