i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You smell like stripper and shame
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
