I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
