I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
