Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I understand Curling. That high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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