Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
