Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
