guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
