Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
