just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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