OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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