peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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