I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
