How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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