I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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