You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I supernannyed him into submission
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
