can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
