There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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