yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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