At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will be naked everywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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