I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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