The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
