Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
