Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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