theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
