You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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