happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
