You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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