i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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