yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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