for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We have started to decorate penises.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
