are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize